Velvet Suits and Pretty Feet

I love the beaver and that's all there is to it.  Actually I just love women in general until you come across the occasional nut job who belongs on a milk carton.  

I guess you could call me a sex addict.  I like it kinky and freaky.  I was with this girl one time and she asked me to hog-tie her so I did and threw her in the closet and went out for a beer.  I'm not into S&M or any shit like that.  

I'm picky when it comes to women, I wont sleep with just anything that has two tits a hole and a heartbeat. I do have standards you know.  


I've had this thing for ethnic women for the longest time: Italian, women of color, Arabic women (the good looking ones, Arabic women come in to options: super hot or butt fucking ugly, no in between) Native American women, Greek, Asian.  Any woman with a foreign accent is an instant turn on.


I used to love blonds but there's nothing like a good redhead!  


Back in 2002 I was at a bar with some friends out in Pontiac, Boilermaker buddies of course.  This chick walked it with long blond hair, and a one piece velvet cat suit and some high heels.


I pushed the other drooling cockblockers aside and bought her a drink first, then introduced myself before professing the bulge growing in my dress pants, I told her she was the finest damn woman I've seen in a long time, she was pretty but the velvet suit did it.  We were talking and I asked about what her feet looked like.


She took off her heels and asked if I ever had a foot job.  I said "no I have not."  She turned towards me in her bar stool and start rubbing my unit with her bare feet.  I had to tell her to stop before I messed up my dress pants with a giant load of jizz.

I did get her phone number but as usual, when I put the number in my phone I didn't include her name.  Dammit man!


So if one of you ladies want to see me all flustered, hot and bothered: the velvet cat suit and pretty feet will probably send me into cardiac arrest.

The Perfect Woman

This is my opinion, everybody else's preference may vary but then again....opinions are like assholes!

I've had quite some time to think about what kind of woman is right for me.  Instead of beating around the bush I'll just list the qualities of a perfect mate.

*A woman who has her priorities straight who can set goals and complete them. 

*A woman who cares about herself and her looks, but isn't overly vane.  I cannot stand when a woman has to spend two hours in front of a mirror just to go out and eat at a place like Buddy's pizza.

*I like them a little older than me if I had the choice.  The younger ones seem to be quite dramatic but then again I have yet to meet one that can prove me wrong.

*One who has confidence in what she does.

*A woman whose a little sarcastic and has a sense of humor.  Crow's feet are a sign of a woman who smiles or laughs a lot.

*A woman who doesn't mind sharing household chores or cooking together with moi.  

*Definitely a woman whose got nice feet!  Ugly feet is a definite deal breaker for me.

*A woman who always strives to be a better person.

*One whose not judgmental of others' appearance or what kinds of material things they possess.  It's fine to people watch and make a joke or two, but to drag it out for days isn't cool.

*A woman who can act like a lady when need be then let loose and swear like a drunken sailor.  I love when a woman uses the "F" word!

*A woman who doesn't thrive on gossip.

*A woman who can just accept people for who they are regardless of their past or present lives.

*One who is good with kids.  I've brought three women around my kids: one they liked a lot, another that was a big mistake on my part, and the third I've known for 20 years.  I don't make it a habit of bringing strange women around my daughters.

*A woman who can accept me the way I am: nowhere near perfect but I always strive to be a better person for my girls.

Well now that the criteria for the perfect woman is out there, I guess I'll probably be a bachelor most of my life (and I'm okay with that too).  I got thrown under the bus in the last long term relationship I was in, I know where I was wrong and can admit my faults.

For those of you who don't already know me, just like the last blog: that chapter of my love life was closed along with my accident.  

Oh and one more thing: a woman who believes in me and my endeavors.  There's nothing shittier than being in a relationship where your partner has no faith in anything you do.  I've been there, done that, and know that wont happen again. 


I'm into building bridges, not burning the ones I have made.

So what criteria does your perfect mate have to meet?

How did your last serious relationship end?  Good, bad, or ugly?

Ever meet someone gorgeous on the outside but the ugliest piece of shit on the inside?

The End of an 8-1/2 Year Chapter

For 8-1/2 years my life has been a living hell for the most part: dealing with a fucking insurance company over petty bullshit.

Okay?  How do you fake 13 surgeries?  And every other ailment under the sun as a result of being burnt 40% to death in the last 8-1/2 years?


I settled for the amount of money a Boilermaker (former career) can make in a little over two years.  That was my compensation for the last 8-1/2.

But hey, no better time to take the money and run than now.  The economy sucketh the big one and I've had 8-1/2 years to plan for the future and what I want to do with my life when I had the means to become an integral part of society.

Where did the motivation come from?  A number of events in the past few years but mainly in the last seven months.  I had gotten out of  a relationship which produced two beautiful girls.  I had no other choice but to stay with my parents.


So there I was with no car, license, and no money.  I struggled with addiction to prescription muscle relaxers for the last 8 years and it has ruined my life, love, and friendships.  But no more.


Last month my dad said I should find a place to live so I started searching.  Renting a home within walking distance from my daughters' school was astronomical, that didn't even include all the utilities.  A 4 bedroom home with a boiler system scared the fuck out of me with the heating cost.


That's when I called a friend to ask about an apartment she lived right near the school, she gave the number to the leasing agent.  That was a better deal but the view sucked!


I figured it was just time to get my fucking money from comp and enough of the bullshit of scraping by.  I called my lawyer and started the process.  That was on January 20th and it's taken until this week to get the case closed.

The first loft apartment I checked out before I decided to get off comp had a second location right down the street. Once the process of closing my case started rolling I decided to look at a two bed, two bath loft at the other place.  That was February 8th, and I put the security on it the next day (which I had to borrow of course).


So one week from today my life will be the total opposite of what it has been for the last 8-1/2 years.  Me and my girls will have a place to call home, and I'll be able to have a little privacy.  Living with your parents at 34 is a fucking nightmare.


I'll will finally be able to have a place to write without anyone to distract me (while kids are in school).  Since you cant have a barbecue grill in an apartment, even with a balcony, I guess I'll have to hone my other cooking skills in the kitchen.


So I'd like to thank the ex for kicking me out and to my parents who nit-pick everything: you were the motivation I needed to get the fuck on with life.


Remember those three things I told you I was passionate about: family, cooking, and writing?  And you said it was all "great ideas, you're full of them but never go through with them."  


That's where I've closed that chapter in my life, the last 8-1/2 years.  That's where my pipe dream ends and living the dream with my daughters begins.


You'll see.

Grilled Cheese Bitch

This time I'm let it all come out, this time I'm a stand up and shout, I'm a do things my way or the highway.

This fucking dirty dog has had enough of the insurance business.  I am going to be pwnin' motherfuckers here in a second.  

In the wake of the 8 year disaster, created by another I called life:  I am going to leave a trail of dust for them to choke on.  

Everything is falling into place now that I've turned the heat up.  I should get keys to my place early next week.   

I had a great date last night with an old friend, we totally went dutch on drinks and dinner.  Had nice talks about the lethargic strippers.   We agreed they needed some cocaine or something.  I know the one chick that was dancing last night: I've seen her on free porn sites!  I'm not big on mingling with strippers, that's just how I roll from the darkness of my corner booth with a date hotter than any of them.


I cant wait to move on with my life, Gabby is so overly excited about the apartment.  Her little moments of witty excitement just amuses me to death.


Now we can do all the stuff we've talked about: art, writing, cooking, and kicking people's asses.  


I told the girls "when we get the house, no more grilled cheese, or mac n' cheese, we are going to cook for real!"  They are already assigning themselves tasks in the kitchen.  Olivia likes coffee, there's a coffee shop right below us! 


I am buying some Godiva coffee by the 50lb sack: the best coffee I've ever had!

Stellar

I know this girl named AMc.  


I met her through my blog on Myspace many years ago.  When I got kicked of the spazz I found AMc on Facebook....I know I'm stellar like that.


Just a little background, I've only really gotten to know her recently when I wrote the date blog.  She is Kansas, I'm in Michigan.  She had just found out she was pregnant.  If I would've had the means, I would've got here up here to take her as my date.  If she wanted to, which I think she would've.

I always tell her she's hot and beautiful, it may come off as sarcastic but she sent me this picture.

I had to tell her she's beautiful in this picture mail, but she called me a nut.  


She is single.  I'd like to meet her when the baby comes.  That's if she's down.  I could take my Ovation and play her some Incubus.  Maybe though.

I have to give her mad props, she is a very sexy, beautiful pregnant mom.....I believe 6 months.


This song reminds me of her.

Click, click. BOOM.

Today the slag from the weld I've left on life just start curling off.

Turn the heat up and fucking run the shit.  

I know people, who know people, who get shit done.  For once in my life I am the fucking boss and the responsible father of two girls.  

I know how to make contacts, lately its been easy.  Making the right contacts to secure my future are even better.  I've met some great contacts, going to network.

Going to train my little mini-me's how to clean, laundry, cook, and use their boxing gloves to fight over a Polly Pocket.  This just how I get shit done.  

You want the toy, you guys duke it out.  The quitter don't get the toy.

That's how its goes at dad's crib, our home.  The girls are super exited.  I say it everyday and its so close I can taste it.  I arranged the utilities today and my credit was ok.

Got off a lot cheaper than expected.  

Got my ducks in a row, cash is king.  Don't worry I ain't gettin that much cash to be extending credit!   

Every minute detail is worked out to the very cent talking taxes.  I am going to teach my girls to be artists, cooks, singers, musicians, Lego builders, or metal furniture: fabricated on-sight.  Metal works, forging and detail are my talents.  I know people who are artists. Fuckin A, I'm doing my part in raising the next generation geniuses, in their own fashions.


Jack of all trades, master of one: and it ain't jerkin off!


Back when I was with the ex, I had to sell back my Epiphone Les Paul Standard, with a Spider Amp:  I was very upset, I cried that day in front of my daughters and had to explain why.  I told them they were just material things that could easily be replaced one day, we needed groceries.  I still had my acoustics!

I made promises to two little women I cant break: one day a house with a library, and swimming pool.  And the house would have a basement tricked out with every kind of instrument you could think of and we'd fucking rock out!  


I have decided I will spend no more than $1,000 on an Ovation solid body acoustic.  I'll be putting fuckers to sleep playing Gordon Lightfoot.


"   I can see her lyin back in her satin dress in a room where you do where you don't confess...."


First things first.  Our own place.


I had an easy day with utilities and old debt.  Got my first checking account rolled out.  Called the bank my comp check will come from in Dearborn...."SIR we won't have the cash to honor the whole amount at once, but yes you can bring it here!"


I'm scared.  Banks.  Credit cards.  Anything you cant pay cash for scares me. I'm not used to having credit in forever.  I don't want or need it either hoe.


You see where this is going.


I got all my ducks in a row today.  Now, everyday, I just start counting as I shoot.  Click click BOOM.


So this is for you peeps who've followed me since way back forever.  


FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS IN THE MICHIGAN JUDICIAL SYSTEM.  FUCK YOU GREEDY, SCUMBAG INSURANCE COMPANIES, JUST FUCK YOU.


I'm done and I'll be rich and as famous as www.jennyknowseverything.com 

You should read her, she knows just about everything from what I've read.  But I know sometimes more than a woman knows about women most of the time.  If you'd like to test insight, leave a comment and I will give my op-ed half assed opinion.


Just had breakfast in the garage.  I am feeling AdDish.  


Ciao for now!

Ninja Chickmunk

Today I secured my loft for the girls and I.  I got the call from my lawyer telling me how much I was pocketing.  I called my investor to crunch some numbers.  The bastards gave me what I wanted without seeing my lawyer's cut.  Nice.

I met with Habeeb to give him my deposit, his name is actually Yasir and manages properties in Dearborn.  We know some of the same people, he does business with some people I know at The Well in Dearborn.

I undid my pea coat and showed off my www.lovethebeaver.com shirt.  "Do you like to party a lot?!?!"  

"Yeah, big party animal with two small daughters."  


I am going into this deal with the shittiest of credit, not having worked in 8-1/2 years, no car, no license: the kicker will be the proof of funds I show him in about a week or so.

Pay this dude the remaining money when I get it and get the key to my place, then furnishing the whole place with furniture on down to linens, spoons, and plungers.  I will have all the stuff delivered, put together, and then wash a shitload of linens.  All this has to happen on or around March 1st.


I owe DTE money and Comcast so I'll have to pay them off and probably hefty deposits to secure service.  Bastards!  I told you I was poor before it became mainstream.


Then I have to get my license back.  More lawyers fees, then buy a car and pay a hefty insurance rate.  The odds are stacked against me, or so they seem.  


I'll work at Buffalo Wild Wings with the lunch crowd pouring the last legal drug.  I'll make my own hours to revolve around my kids.  When I get my game back on I'd like to work someplace like Slows BBQ....pit master of course.


We picked the kids up from school and I told them and their excitement was priceless.  We got back to my house and I took my coat off and Olivia said "I like Alvin the Chickmunk on your shirt."  Gabby corrected her that it was a beaver.  Funny stuff.

I've got some other prospects lined up to make some cash selling toothpicks with American flags to the drunks at the martini bar.  


The free wifi in the apartment wont be enough to run a website so they use Commiecast as the provider you pay for.  Gotta have enough to run my network to take care of business.  I see competing in barbecue competitions next summer if I can get my pit crew together, you know who you are fucker.


When one door shuts a window opens right?


I broke through the door wall with this.  Get my fucking money and I'll take care of the rest.


Gotta have breakfast, I'm starting to think too much.

Fuck You Tia R. Hall

You've made various threats to me and my children.  You have fucked with the wrong person.  I have blocked you from my Facebook and from my phone.  

You have serious mental issues and your kids should be removed from your care.  You threatened to drag my ex and my kids into this little beef you have with me.  I am done playing your little game and have contacted the proper people to make sure you're taken off the street.


You have no idea what goes on with myself and my family. 


So without further ado, lets take a look at some photos I've collected over the past month or so.


We'll let the readers figure out who's stalking who.

The first picture is what started your little psychotic episode. 


IF YOU CANNOT VIEW THE WHOLE PICTURE, CLICK ON THE PICTURE IN THE BLOG TO VIEW LARGER PICTURE THEN HIT THE BACK BUTTON TO CONTINUE READING.

Then after I deleted you, you decided to email me.  You're writing is that of a 3rd grader.  Your mental issues are evident through your writing.

Then you decide to bash me on your page.  See the thing about my friends....they are real friends.  Your friends that make up your friend's list were skeeved off of others lists.  Ever tried making your own friends?

  

Notice the second comment in the thread above "why? is one question, the other, watch what I do about it."  There's one threat.

You're a keyboard warrior who can talk all kinds of shit but you ain't got the balls to say any of this to anyone's face.  You're a shit talking coward.

 Crumb snatcher is my favorite.  You live at home with your parents who take care of your kids.  You also receive food stamps and cash assistance.  You have no license or car and I don't know any woman with kids who wanders the streets as much as you do.

You are also using my picture without my permission, not to mention you're slandering me.

You call me a stalker??

Here's some other interesting shit I've found on Facebook.  You like to stir shit up with people.  I found this very interesting.

You say I have issues.  I deleted and blocked you from everything I could and you still manage to track me down through other people's blogs, then on the blog I just created yesterday.

Please check out the dates to see how long you've been stalking me.

Who has the hard time dealing with rejection?

 The bottom line is, you're making a ton of enemies who are taking legal action against you.  You can talk all the bullshit you want but I've got plenty of other proof of your psychosis.  

Show your face around my house and see how that goes.  If I so much as find eggs on my house, flat tires, or my vehicles fucked with, you better believe I'll be making a trip to 7869 Buckingham street.  It's in your best interest to back the fuck off.

Oh yeah, almost forgot to mention that you're still on probation in Wyandotte and have to take a piss test once a month.  Who's the criminal again?  Whose the one who claims to have a medical marijuana card in Michigan but still has to study for a piss test at probation?