The Anniversary of My Break-up

There's one thing that humored me about my past relationship; when the ex wanted to go out, I'd bitch because we never had the money when I wanted to go out but when she wanted to go out we had the money. Ironic.  Seldom we did things as a date night. 

When I'd bitch about it, hand on hips too, she'd be like "it's not babysitting your kids!" 

What the fuck?  It's not about being a babysitter, more so a caregiver or selfless adult who puts his kids first but of course I'm sure you've heard about the addict, womanizing, liar, cheating dreamer.  I'd had eight years to sit around and pack my bowl full of pipe dreams, prepared for the uncertain future was I? No. 

I'll be the first to admit I had issues that evolved around her issues and she made the first move in calling it quits; maybe it was the best thing to ever happen to us?  I'm happy, she's happy, things seem to be going well for the most part presently.

It's been a year since my ex told me to move out.  I didn't want to go but sitting here a year later I can say it's the best and worst thing that's happened to me in the past year.  It gave me that little kick in the ass to start working on my dreams, most likely not her intent for making me vacate the premises we called home. 

The only place I had to go was to my parents' house.  I loaded a suitcase one year ago today (7/12/10) and left for my parents' house.  That was a very hard summer for me not being under the same roof as my girls, being able to tuck them in at night.  Many nights I did cry as I worked on my handwritten journals knowing I wasn't going to be there when they woke up. 

I'd raised those girls since they were fresh outta the womb.  I'm not saying momma didn't help but she went back to work after her maternity leave, which I was believe was 8 - 10 weeks.  Call me an idiot if I didn't get those facts right.  So there I was, a year and a half since my accident (10/15/02): going from earning $50k as an apprentice Boilermaker to pulling in a steady $500 a week on workers compensation  and also a stay at home dad.

I know what women go through having to maintain a household and children at once.  At one point we had both girls in diapers: that was a big fucking pain in the ass!   But I toughed it out and my ex and I stuck it out seven years.

Living with my parents was torture: they are set in their ways, and me staying there threw a big monkey wrench into their routines.  The first few months were cool but then mine and my dad's relationship started to go astray to where we avoided each other.  That sucks when you live under that person's roof. 

Fast forward till today: life is good, the girls and I have our own home, and they believe in the same pipe dream I do about the restaurant.

I was telling my mom earlier about how happy I am that things are finally going my way, and that I've met some really great new lady friends lately.  Mom cut through the crap cake and broke it down like this:

You need a women that accepts you for you, and one who supports your endeavors.  I've seen the women you've went out with and you're looking in the wrong direction.  You need a good woman who already has a good career, not the high maintenance ones you've went out with.  You need a woman who supports your every effort but is able to still make her own money or has a goal, direction in life. And one who can make a decision on her own!

Didn't realize I was fucking up on the dating shit before my ex, why tell me after? 

So here I sit exactly one year later and life these days isn't where I expected to be a year from last but I'm grateful for the things I have.  I get my daughters quite often, I cook for them (big on the family meal together) and we always have fun together.

It's the little things that count the most to those little ladies: Coldstone is always a winner with dad, but only if they act like ladies while out!  My girls amaze me by their brilliance and vocabulary; most of which they know not to repeat outside of 402. 

Wow.  How much a person can change over a year.  The handwritten journals (on #7) are a great reference to me.  I like to go back to the beginning of this date a year ago and see how much my line of thinking, and my emotions have all evolved since then.  Some of the stuff I read I cannot believe I used to think in the manner I did because I'm in such a much happier place now.

Back to the finding the right one: I've quit looking because most likely the perfect on is right under my nose.  I'll admit that my ex was very pretty, but as I grow older my taste has changed.  I'm just waiting for that one to come along who accepts the girls and I as a package deal, whose down with my restaurant business, and one who wants to be a family.  I want to travel and see the world from a different perspective as a family, it'd be nice to come across someone with the same ambitions.

As of now I'm content but always dream of that one who shares your dreams.