They Call Me Leo

I fucking loathe having to paint anything in a house that isn't mine.  I've done a lot of painting since my stay across from the Hula Hilton.

Today my job was to repaint stairwell first, rip old carpet off stairs, and replace with new carpet.  And screw down the squeaky stairs.

Painted.  Tore up old carpet.  Pulled out a ton of staples.  Put in some screws in three treads.  Cut new carpet and nailed it down with a staple gun.

Piece of cake for the normal guy.  Granted it only took me 6 hours of work, occasionally checking in on crackbook.

But now I have a case of rug burn on my knees because I refuse to wear San Fransisco Sandals.  That's just gay.

I was supposed to get me some booty last night but I didn't feel like renting a room after making a generous donation to the casino.  Parents still ain't letting me have a fwb over at their pad.  Won't happen.

Being a single guy, getting laid does a lot for you.  It's like chicken soup for the soul.  I got to get some every few weeks or I get to feeling wound up tight, my nuts feel like they're in a vice when the plumbing gets backed up.

Tomorrow the parents are planning an overnight trip and that means I'm getting some ass.  It's been a few weeks so I feel a little agitated at the moment.

Ciao for now!

Yours truly,



Love Pink

There's a time and a place for everything and maybe 3:30 pm isn't the best time to meet ladies or find a fwb....

But....

There are some fine ass moms picking up their kids from school. 

If you think about it, we're all hanging around the same place Monday through Friday because we enjoy(ed) one thing.

Getting our fuck on.

It's a common bond, kind of like AA or NA.  I prefer to stand back with my shades on and let others do the talking per-se. 

I've picked apart most of these parents. 

Wow.  She's hot with 6 kids in grade school.  Her taint is a clown car.

If you are woman wearing stretch pants 5 sizes too small, on a daily basis, to pick up your kids from school.... 

You are not fooling me.

I will bullshit with just about anybody who gets near me at the school playground but there's one female in particular who I have yet to talk to.  My buddy and I are always checking this female out, knowing she comes dressed the way she does for one reason. It's not rocket science.



She wears the same kind of pants on a daily basis.  I've stood about two feet away from her many days and we've yet to speak to each other other than a "hey" or "hi."  She's not a bad looking lady.  Two-toned blonde and dark brown hair. 

Coincidentally...

I wore my pink polo and my Tigers cap to the school one day, the next day her toddler son had a pink polo shirt on and she had her trademark pink sweats.

That same day while the kids were playing after school, her kids coincidentally scurried over to the same set of monkey bars to play.  I stood like a dear in the headlights watching my kids play knowing that my face would melt if I looked over at her. 

She's talking away to her kids and made a kind remark about my girls.  I politely turned with my dark glasses and smiled at her.  I walked about 5 feet away.

I've never been hesitant to talk to anybody.  Occasionally there's a woman who comes along whose beauty is threatening, but this is hardly the case.

Today I didn't see her standing in the normal spot.  The kids poured out of the doors like flood gates throwing their backpacks at me.  I picked up their stuff and was wondering where Ms. Pink was.

I noticed this strange hot woman on the playground today.  Of course I walked over there and to my dismay it was this woman dressed to the nine's.  Jeans, high heals, hair and make-up; she looked a little porn star.

People, like us, tend to have a trademark of some sort so people always remember the name and the face. 

She has hers....

I have mine....

There's a valid reason I haven't sparked up a conversation with her.  With an ass like that we all know very well what will happen when that day comes.

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.

Staying Connected...

The parents just don't get it. 

I cannot live without my not so smart phone.

We had a deep conversation the other night on the drive to the casino (1.5 hrs away) about when they were in their teens, rotatary dial phones, rabbit ears. 

I felt like I was riding with the fucking Flintstones.

I love me some technology.

I remember when I was a teenager, the land line rang 24/7 for my sister and me, my parents finally got tired of those 3am phone calls.  They caved and had our own seperate land line installed in mine and my sister's room.  My sister would never turn the flippin ringer off on her phone to keep the parents from getting pissed.

As I rode with the Flinstones the other night, I had to add my 2 cents.

"I can get updates on everything.  I can tell you what time so and so took a shit from their Facebook, I can get international news in real time, I can chat with friends down south, take pictures, check my blog stats, and download porn all while using the phone to actually talk to somebody."

My parents barely know their way around a computer and it's always the same ole thing...."oh you kids and those damn phones, you're always on them!"

When my phone can do more than a desktop computer, well that was like them going from rotatary dial to pushbutton phones, black/white tv to color....of course the thing never leaves my side.  Not even when I take a dump.

I'd take drug/alcohol withdraws over smart phone withdraws anyday of the week.  It's become such an integral part of my life that now I cant live without it. 

And the battery life on these phones is a couple hours at best.  My dad rubs it in one day "I haven't charged my phone in almost 2 weeks and it just went dead."

"We'll I've downloaded gigabytes of bullshit, probably used every roll over minute you've ever accumulated just in the past 2 weeks, and I can double or triple that and have the same bill every month!"

Everytime the phone beeps or chimes I gotta look.  If it doesn't I gotta look. 

Some baby boomers just cant figure out us Gen-X'ers.

Sad I know, but I know I'm not the only one whose like this!

Help...I need a date

I've got a lil problem.

I have a dinner dance to attend for my former employer on December 18, next month on a Saturday.  It is a formal dance.

Top shelf liquor.

Top shelf beer.

Excellent food.

Usually they have a top 40 band.  Maybe if you're lucky and the right people go, I'll step in for a song or two.

It's being held at the Soaring Eagle Casino on said date.  If you're not sure where it is, it's near Mt. Pleasant, Mi. about a 2 hour drive.

Here's the problem.

I don't have a date.

The Boilermaker's (employer) have reserved a block of rooms for the cost of $149/night.  It's $50 a couple which is more less a security deposit that you'll show up for the dinner dance. I will pay for the hotel room and the dinner dance.

Come party with a rockstar for the night.  You must be outgoing and sociable, and of course hot!

If you're seriously interested in going with me, leave a comment here, Facebook me, or email at Mikemc169@gmail.com.

And no I don't expect sex if we go as friends, that's optional! Hehe!  I also have a friend who needs a hot date for the same dance.

So if you're interested in a night of fun Tom Foolery, here's two sexy bitches in need of dates! 

I gaurantee it will be fun!  Hit me up for more details!

Beautiful Girls

I know I haven't blogged in a while but I guess it's time for an update....

Mainly on women.

God (used Athiesitically) where should I begin?

I've met a lot of great women since July.  Started new friendships, rekindled old (not sexually),  I've been learning to get used to the routine of being single.

The best thing is that these friends know what I'm truly like.  I'm not a fake or a fraud, never have been. 

My life has always been an open book, almost transparent.

I was talking to an excellent woman recently but I/we broke it off.  I have a lot on my plate right now and I felt like wrapping up any emotions into another lady besides my two, was taking away from them.  That was hardly the case but I let a good one go.

I talk to a few different women these days, nothing more than friendship. 

I do have a little crush on this AMc lady but she's going through a little one of live's curveballs.  She lives states away but I plan on taking her out one day when she's ready.  I really look forward to meeting her in the future.

I guess what it boils down to is that there's only two women for me right now, Gabrielle and Olivia.

I need to make a lot of changes in my life the main one being money.  Sure it's the root of evil but if its good for God it's good enough for me. 

Blackballing

I've really had a bad case of writer's block when it comes to smashing out a blog, but the handwritten journals just go on and on. 

There's been a lot of stuff going on in my life over the past few months, a 50/50 mix of good and pure evil.  There's a saying "pick your battles." 

I pick my battles wisely.  My accident case is cut and dry but its being held up strictly by politics and beaurocatics. Will I get my day in court?  Eventually.  October 15 was the eight anniversary of my accident, I hope I wont be celebrating eight more. 

It took me a little while to get out of that pessimistic frame of mind but over the last month I've become more optimistic.  No matter how much pissing and moaning I do it will not change anything that I cannot change myself in regards to my accident case.

Recently I chose to take on another battle.  I'm not going into any specifics about that but in time that will come to fruition. 

Again, lawyers remind me that my Facebook page and blog page are fair game to lawyers and judges these days.  Why should I refrain from the type of person I am and live in fear that I may have posted some questionable content within those two sites? 

Welcome to the digital age, anything you say can (and will) be used against you in a court of law.  Fuck all that shit.  I've read countless articles where people have nailed their coffins such by what they post on social networking sites.  I'm not that person whose going to live life like that.

So Mr Bill Shaefer.....as you read this, I hope you've got enough sense in your head to realize that when the day comes I am going to send you through the wringer.  Keep holding on to that money you're going to be paying me, let it earn dividends.  The money you're going to pay out on my case may mean your job security may be questionable. 

I can play games just like you.  I've had enough of your games and have pretty unique skills that will blackball you and every other insurance company who has fucked with me.

Pay now, or pay a lot more later.

In the end, I will win.

Advice on Women: A Pictoblog

It's a Wacky Wednesday.  I get this bug up my ass once a week or so and I have to dump my mental diarrhea on you fuckers.

So I've been reflecting lately, mostly on women.  You don't have to be a clinical psychologist to know that every one of them has the potential to be bat shit crazy.  As a man you can bring out the best or the worst.

With that being said, I'm going to tell a little tale using what else but pictures.

All women should come with obvious warning labels, especially when your a single guy on the meat market.  I've met a lot of women in the past months.  There's lots of options out there...

I love the ladies and I've always been a "ladies man."  The thing I love most about women are their feet.  During the "sandal season" it's much easier to get the skinny on their personal hygiene practice.  Yes I am a lot like Eddie Murphy in the movie Boomerang. 

I didn't realize there were so many hot women on this planet. I thought all the good looking ones just did porn.  When you're hitched you can look but you cant touch.  At least when you've got a woman at home who likes to do the fucky, you're not like this guy "jerking your junk like you're trying to start a rusty chainsaw." (Marc(o) Porno)

I'm a giver of good advice but I rarely abide by the very advice I give.  I find myself consulting the Magic 8-ball before giving my two cents so don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you see; especially when it comes to women.  I'm telling you if you're a single guy it's best just to stay that way because in the end you may find out...

Back to the lecture at hand.  You really have to use caution these days when it comes to sleeping around.  Aside from STI's (don't ask me why they replaced the D with an I), the Detroit area ranks #3 on the infestation list.  It only takes one bug to latch onto your butthole near one of those dingleberries while you're bedding someone.  I'm guessing the odds are 1 in 4.  The odds of getting gonorrhea are slimmer.

Maybe its best to stay at home to avoid all the madness that comes with being involved with one of the opposite sex.  Social networking is a useful tool these days.  I'll be the first to admit that I spend way too much time networking, but technology has made it way too easy too stay connected with the not-so-smart phones.  I'm not the only one who spends countless hours plastering bullshit on peoples' walls.

Experts like me say that "social networking helps dumb down society by taking away from actual human interaction."  One gets so use to being a keyboard Romeo that when it comes time to have a little game and carry out an actual conversation with a strange woman you tell them to just Google you...

"TDRR"

Out comes the smart phone and you're Facebooking her from across the table at dinner.



Ciao mutha fuckas. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Yours truly,