They Call Me Leo

I fucking loathe having to paint anything in a house that isn't mine.  I've done a lot of painting since my stay across from the Hula Hilton.

Today my job was to repaint stairwell first, rip old carpet off stairs, and replace with new carpet.  And screw down the squeaky stairs.

Painted.  Tore up old carpet.  Pulled out a ton of staples.  Put in some screws in three treads.  Cut new carpet and nailed it down with a staple gun.

Piece of cake for the normal guy.  Granted it only took me 6 hours of work, occasionally checking in on crackbook.

But now I have a case of rug burn on my knees because I refuse to wear San Fransisco Sandals.  That's just gay.

I was supposed to get me some booty last night but I didn't feel like renting a room after making a generous donation to the casino.  Parents still ain't letting me have a fwb over at their pad.  Won't happen.

Being a single guy, getting laid does a lot for you.  It's like chicken soup for the soul.  I got to get some every few weeks or I get to feeling wound up tight, my nuts feel like they're in a vice when the plumbing gets backed up.

Tomorrow the parents are planning an overnight trip and that means I'm getting some ass.  It's been a few weeks so I feel a little agitated at the moment.

Ciao for now!

Yours truly,



Advice on Women: A Pictoblog

It's a Wacky Wednesday.  I get this bug up my ass once a week or so and I have to dump my mental diarrhea on you fuckers.

So I've been reflecting lately, mostly on women.  You don't have to be a clinical psychologist to know that every one of them has the potential to be bat shit crazy.  As a man you can bring out the best or the worst.

With that being said, I'm going to tell a little tale using what else but pictures.

All women should come with obvious warning labels, especially when your a single guy on the meat market.  I've met a lot of women in the past months.  There's lots of options out there...

I love the ladies and I've always been a "ladies man."  The thing I love most about women are their feet.  During the "sandal season" it's much easier to get the skinny on their personal hygiene practice.  Yes I am a lot like Eddie Murphy in the movie Boomerang. 

I didn't realize there were so many hot women on this planet. I thought all the good looking ones just did porn.  When you're hitched you can look but you cant touch.  At least when you've got a woman at home who likes to do the fucky, you're not like this guy "jerking your junk like you're trying to start a rusty chainsaw." (Marc(o) Porno)

I'm a giver of good advice but I rarely abide by the very advice I give.  I find myself consulting the Magic 8-ball before giving my two cents so don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you see; especially when it comes to women.  I'm telling you if you're a single guy it's best just to stay that way because in the end you may find out...

Back to the lecture at hand.  You really have to use caution these days when it comes to sleeping around.  Aside from STI's (don't ask me why they replaced the D with an I), the Detroit area ranks #3 on the infestation list.  It only takes one bug to latch onto your butthole near one of those dingleberries while you're bedding someone.  I'm guessing the odds are 1 in 4.  The odds of getting gonorrhea are slimmer.

Maybe its best to stay at home to avoid all the madness that comes with being involved with one of the opposite sex.  Social networking is a useful tool these days.  I'll be the first to admit that I spend way too much time networking, but technology has made it way too easy too stay connected with the not-so-smart phones.  I'm not the only one who spends countless hours plastering bullshit on peoples' walls.

Experts like me say that "social networking helps dumb down society by taking away from actual human interaction."  One gets so use to being a keyboard Romeo that when it comes time to have a little game and carry out an actual conversation with a strange woman you tell them to just Google you...

"TDRR"

Out comes the smart phone and you're Facebooking her from across the table at dinner.



Ciao mutha fuckas. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Yours truly,