Thank You All For Making My Dreams Come True

No more wasting time, life is finally moving in the direction I had been planning for years.  No longer am I bound by chains from my past.  Remember that old saying "you spend your 30's cleaning up what you did in your 20's?"  That's me!

Thanks to worker's comp for making my life a living hell for the last 8 something years.  Their plan is to keep you on long enough until you're dragged down to the very direst of straits that you want to kill yourself.  Been there and it was a place that was very hard to get out of.....they (workers comp) like to string you along for as long as they possibly can.  Utter bullshit the government needs to intervene with.  

I've been to court several times in my life, its a nice change of pace when you start winning all of the good fights.  And anyone that threatens me, my daughters, or my ex will be dealt with swiftly in court.  Homie don't play when it comes to family.

What I really want to say is:

Thank you to all who have stood by me in the darkest of hours of my life and continue to still believe in what I am trying to accomplish in life.  I am finally living my dreams!

High on Life

Wow....its seemed like ages since I've wrote.  I have been so busy since March 2nd: getting mine and the girls place, furnishing, paying off my credit report, just flat out busy.  As of today the place is fully furnished, I walked into this loft with nothing but the clothes I owned and some paperwork in about 6 tote boxes.

Right now I'm riding high on life.  I've worked out a deal with the ex that I get my girls overnights on Tuesday's and Thursday's after school and every other weekend.  My ladies are so happy to be here when they are because dad keeps the fridge fully stocked with food, healthy stuff too not just junk food.  And man can those two girls put away some food.  I try to cook for them when they stay but we've had to order out a couple times  but they don't mind.  


I've met some really great people through a friend Brian.  Through him I've met some really great women, one in particular.  We'll call her Misses T.  We went out on a whim the first week I was here. I had invited her up to check out the loft and had purchased a dozen red roses for her beforehand. I've only had sushi a couple times and she had never had it so we decided to try the place across the street from the loft....Kabuki I think it's called.  The food was excellent and the conversation was even better.  We both enjoyed the sushi no doubt.  She's a very pretty Italian woman, a couple years older than me but age is only a number unless she was like half my age: unacceptable!


After eating we headed to the Martini bar for a couple beverages, but ended up having to leave because some off-duty cop sitting next to me was asking me "if I had his back if he fought the guys sitting behind us."  I declined!  If he's like that drunk, imagine what a high strung prick he is on the job.  I left to use the bathroom and he started hitting on my date.  We just called it a night.  It was a good night, she came back up to get her roses and I gave her a hug and told her what a great time I had.


I had ordered some www.lovethebeaver.com shirts with TDRR embroidered on the front.  They are a Dickie's style mechanic's shirt, they were very expensive for just 66 shirts, but they've been selling.  I had a buddy stop by today to pick up his shirt, he was a happy customer.  We got to talking and he attends AA/NA.  I'm not into god but he offered to get me rolling in NA so I may just take him up on that.  I need to get off some of the narcotics and start living a healthier lifestyle.  I refuse to give up my cigarettes though!


I've reconnected with an old friend and we've been hanging out quite often.  She was quite the pistol back in the day but she's mellowed out over the years.  I enjoy her company and I introduced her to the girls: if dad introduces them to a friend, they automatically like them.  Miss Andrea had been a big help over the past few weeks also.  Thanks BFF! 


Today after dinner I had all my shirt laid out on the counter to take inventory.  The girls told their twin friends that I was watching that "my dad is a famous writer and people will buy his shirts because he's famous!"  I got a good laugh, not famous yet but maybe someday.


Just thought I'd drop this little plug to fill you on on my new life with the girls.  I am thoroughly enjoying life now and nobody can piss on my parade.


So to my little stalker: I know you read this blog and you know who you are.  Keep your trashy ass out of West Dearborn.  I dare you to comment on this blog you crumsnatching whore.  I have four lawyers on retainer, your broke trick ass don't have a chance.  You'll be off the streets and behind bars where you belong.  Remember when I said "I know people?"  I meant that. 

Click, click. BOOM.

Today the slag from the weld I've left on life just start curling off.

Turn the heat up and fucking run the shit.  

I know people, who know people, who get shit done.  For once in my life I am the fucking boss and the responsible father of two girls.  

I know how to make contacts, lately its been easy.  Making the right contacts to secure my future are even better.  I've met some great contacts, going to network.

Going to train my little mini-me's how to clean, laundry, cook, and use their boxing gloves to fight over a Polly Pocket.  This just how I get shit done.  

You want the toy, you guys duke it out.  The quitter don't get the toy.

That's how its goes at dad's crib, our home.  The girls are super exited.  I say it everyday and its so close I can taste it.  I arranged the utilities today and my credit was ok.

Got off a lot cheaper than expected.  

Got my ducks in a row, cash is king.  Don't worry I ain't gettin that much cash to be extending credit!   

Every minute detail is worked out to the very cent talking taxes.  I am going to teach my girls to be artists, cooks, singers, musicians, Lego builders, or metal furniture: fabricated on-sight.  Metal works, forging and detail are my talents.  I know people who are artists. Fuckin A, I'm doing my part in raising the next generation geniuses, in their own fashions.


Jack of all trades, master of one: and it ain't jerkin off!


Back when I was with the ex, I had to sell back my Epiphone Les Paul Standard, with a Spider Amp:  I was very upset, I cried that day in front of my daughters and had to explain why.  I told them they were just material things that could easily be replaced one day, we needed groceries.  I still had my acoustics!

I made promises to two little women I cant break: one day a house with a library, and swimming pool.  And the house would have a basement tricked out with every kind of instrument you could think of and we'd fucking rock out!  


I have decided I will spend no more than $1,000 on an Ovation solid body acoustic.  I'll be putting fuckers to sleep playing Gordon Lightfoot.


"   I can see her lyin back in her satin dress in a room where you do where you don't confess...."


First things first.  Our own place.


I had an easy day with utilities and old debt.  Got my first checking account rolled out.  Called the bank my comp check will come from in Dearborn...."SIR we won't have the cash to honor the whole amount at once, but yes you can bring it here!"


I'm scared.  Banks.  Credit cards.  Anything you cant pay cash for scares me. I'm not used to having credit in forever.  I don't want or need it either hoe.


You see where this is going.


I got all my ducks in a row today.  Now, everyday, I just start counting as I shoot.  Click click BOOM.


So this is for you peeps who've followed me since way back forever.  


FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS IN THE MICHIGAN JUDICIAL SYSTEM.  FUCK YOU GREEDY, SCUMBAG INSURANCE COMPANIES, JUST FUCK YOU.


I'm done and I'll be rich and as famous as www.jennyknowseverything.com 

You should read her, she knows just about everything from what I've read.  But I know sometimes more than a woman knows about women most of the time.  If you'd like to test insight, leave a comment and I will give my op-ed half assed opinion.


Just had breakfast in the garage.  I am feeling AdDish.  


Ciao for now!

Coming back to life

It's been a few weeks since Kindra and I split, this time it sounds like it may be for good.  I've been shacked up with my parents for the last 2-1/2 weeks, the only place besides a homeless shelter I have to go.

I've struggled with addictions for the last 7+ years and she says that's one thing she doesn't miss about me not being around.  She'll probably be pissed about me throwing my personal life out there, but I'm not looking for sympathy. 

I never thought of myself being without Kindra the rest of my life.  I guess I didn't show her that I loved her enough, or maybe I was just a downright rotten mother fucker to be around.  A friend told me "put yourself in our shoes when we have to deal with you men and your addictions." 

Okay I can do that.  Can you put yourself in my shoes?

My self-worth and livelihood were robbed of me because of my accident and being a stay at home dad is stressful as hell.  Maybe I should've done things a lot differently and maybe another man wouldn't be moving in on my ex (I still cant get used to that term).  Now someone else is spending long lengths of time on the phone with her and asking her all the right questions that tickle her fancy.

Every time I talk to Kindra she seems to have no interest in our conversations.  She gets easily upset and offended by me questioning her new life.  I feel left out to dry out.

We had family day yesterday and I went over to the house and made some ribs for all of us.  It was a good day and the conversations we had seemed to be making some headway but today that's a different story.  I notice she changed the locks on the doors and I asked why.  She said she didn't want me showing up in the middle of the night. 

I guess after 7+ years she doesn't know me and I don't know her.  It's been a long hard road but I've come a long way from the days of getting sloppy drunk and angry.  I wouldn't do anything to hurt the woman I still love, the mother of my girls.  I was hurt that she thinks I would do something to hurt her, I'm not that person anymore but its a little to late to hold out for hope.  She seems to be happy without me in the picture so if it's her space she wants, then it is what I will give her.  I don't want to hold her back from happiness by bringing her down with my misery.

We're splitting our time with the girls equally but it's still hard not being under the same roof with them every night.  I miss tucking them in and waking up to them in the morning.

On a positive note, I've got a lot of writing done....the old school way with a pen and notebooks.  Sometimes beauty comes from pain.  I miss being a family, I miss Kindra, I miss life as it was.  I'm not interested in dating or even looking.  My main focus is the two ladies who still love me unconditionally.  I'm giving all my love to the girls who won my heart, they are only 4 and 6 years old but it's a real fine way to start.

This has been the hardest thing I've had to do over the past 7 years but I know somehow I'll get through this. 

So I'm out of here to work up a case of carpal tunnel with my notebooks.  Maybe this was the eye-opener I needed but I didn't expect it to happen this way.